Updated: Feb 18, 2019
Don't pretend that this topic has never crossed your mind when sex is heavily promoted in today's mainstream media and pop culture, more uncensored than ever before in history.
Nope, you won't be able to fool me!
If you're a teen or tween and if you've ever talked to me about "boyfriends", you will have heard me say this: "don't allow anyone to pick the flower before it blooms. When we tell others that we have, or are interested in having, a boyfriend, we also tell others indirectly that we or the persons interested in us are either interested in sex, curious about sex or even possibly that we're having sex."
That is the basis of this sex and dating dialogue.
Just like with anything else, you want to make sure that before you make any decision, you have enough information to make the best decision for you and any other parties involved.
Let’s think about Dr. Frances C. Welsing’s idea that sex gives a false sense of closeness. Dating is not a title; dating is about getting to know others, while you're single, for the purpose of eventually forming an exclusive monogamous relationship, usually between two people. Adding sex to this equation too early creates emotional and spiritual bonds which can cloud one's judgment leading you to believe someone who is wrong [incompatible] for you is right [compatible] for you.
My girls – dating and sex is a no-no if:
You have not reached the age of consent and are still living under your parents’ house and rules.
You cannot articulate and communicate your boundaries and/or your expectations upfront to your potential date.
You're not prepared mentally, emotionally and/or financially to deal with the potential consequences of sex, i.e. pregnancy and babies.
You're not in an exclusive monogamous relationship.
The person that you wish to date or vice versa is dating/having sex with multiple people. This is simply a recipe for unnecessary conflict, drama, and catfights.
You have little or no knowledge about the risk of STIs, and you and your potential dating partner have not been tested [regularly] for STIs.
The person that you wish to date or vice versa is only interested and/or can only offer you sex: a "friends with benefits" situation.
The person that you wish to date or vice versa has shown you that they are of poor character as they may lack integrity, avoid responsibility, or are dishonest and deceitful.
You and the person that you wish to date are not compatible. You do not share the same values, they make you cry, disrupt your happiness and peace of mind.
Remember, we teach others how to treat us by how we treat ourselves; this is how we show others what we are willing to accept. You don't want anyone believing that they can mistreat you, take advantage of you, use and abuse you. You must show that you value and respect yourself and that you possess self-worth.
It is your self-worth that will encourage those who wish to date [and eventually maybe have sex with] you to step up to your level or step out of your life completely. Don't you ever worry, settle or pine over people or things that cannot add value to your life.
It's best to be alone until the right person comes along rather than ignoring red flags, or jumping in and out of casual situationships that won't last anyway, damaging yourself in the process.
Date and have fun but save sex for an exclusive, committed and compatible partnership or union.
Often, dating and sex are used by many people to fill voids or as a distraction to avoid working on becoming the best version of one's self. Yes, all relationships take work, including the one you have with yourself.
Allow yourself to grow and bloom.
Put the energy you wish to put into dating and sex, into perfecting skills and talents and achieving goals. Instead, put your energy into improving your mind, body, and soul, your wholeness and completeness [healing]. This way, you will eventually attract the right people into your life.
Focus on your focus.
Starve your distractions and feed your focus: beauty, brains, and substance!